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Saturday, April 13, 2024

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In Print: On News Stands Now


by Tumbleweed Smith

My pal Jim Runge of Eldorado stages some of the most creative events to come along since Luckenbach's celebration of the return of mud daubers.

One of his events is the Elgoatarod, featuring goats pulling carts around the courthouse square. It coincides with Alaska's Iditarod and is set for April 2 & 3. Jim's latest news release, about a gang of goataholics coming to Elgoatarod, is worth passing along.

'It seems that Alexander the Goat, Captain Goataroo, Lady Goatdiva (who is no goatie two shoes), Cuba Goating, Jr., Rongoat Starr, Vincent Van Goat (who has quite the inflated egoat and is quite egoatistical) and Abe Vigoata, got together and decided to sow some wild goats and go on a vacation goataway, boldly goating where no one had gone before: They left with goat expectations as the following story details.

'Leaving Fargoat, North Dagoata in Augoat of 2004 they have visited Afgoatistan, Agoatsa, Georgia and Agoatsa, Maine, Bogoata, the Cape of Goat Hope, Chicagoat, the Goat Wall of China, Goatalahara, Goatamala, Goathem City, Goatysburg, the Golden Goat Bridge, Mexigoat, Minnegoata, San Diegoat, San Francisgoat, South Dagoata, Yugoatslavia and both east and west goats.

'They saw a goatem pole and an alligoater (which was pretty goatesque), went to a goateo and a disgoateque, attended a goatary meeting (where they heard a goativational speaker), rode a roller goatster, shopped at Targoat, went on a fishing goat, went to church and heard about the Father, the Son and the Holy Goat, saw the Goatyear blimp and visited the site of the Watergoat scandal.

'In movie theaters they got to see The Goatfather, The Great Goatsby and 007 in Goateneye and Goatfinger. In goatels they watched Goat Morning America, Murder She Goat, The Goat outdoors, The Goat Train Robbery and The Love Goat.

'One of the gang played the goatar and performed such hits as Don't Goat Breaking my Heart, Goat Tell It On The Mountain, Goat Balls of Fire, Johnny Be Goat and Michael Row Your Goat Ashore. They ate Goatfathers Pizza, Goata Cheese, escargoat, Goatissery Chicken, Goatmeal cookies and drank Goata Cola.

'They did suffer some hardships. Captain Goataroo had to put on some new BF Goatrich tires and had to call Goatarooter for their goater home. Someone stole their goater scooter and Goatway computer. A few got sore goats even though they wore fur goats. They didn't get any pictures because no one was a goatagrapher and no one thought they were goatogenic.

'They did conclude that this is as goat as it gets, or as good as it goats. You can never get too much of a goat thing. The show must goat on.'

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